Daisie's

Avery came home the first week of school and said that she really wanted to be in Girl Scouts.  I remember being a brownie and I remember that it sucked....like epically sucked.  I remember awful boring get together at this one girls house and ugh....I am choosing not to relive anymore than that.  So, I was definitely reluctant at first.  I spoke with a few gals in the neighborhood who have girls involved in the scouts and it seemed like there was a very great 1st grade troop made up of girls who all go to Avery's school and who surprisingly enough all live in our neighborhood.

I asked Chadd what he thought about it and of course he griped about the cost and the time and the blah blah blah.  Once he heard that it is pretty darn cheap to be a Daisie, he rescinded his prior comments and suggested that Avery quit dance and just be a girl scout...nice try buddy!

We signed up two days before our Carver Steamboat Day's parade.  Avery got to officially meet her troop that day when she rode with the troop leader Brenda to the parade.  They were toward the very beginning of the parade so they got to walk and throw candy and then watch the rest of the 2 1/2 hour parade(no lie, it really was that long).

We have meetings on the third Thursday of the month and they are right after school.  It is very neat to be able to have her just stay after instead of having to drive somewhere to go to a meeting. 

On October 1st, one of the girls hosted a patch party at her house.  It was a bonfire where we learned about the first Marshmallow and a whole slew of interesting facts about our favorite campfire treat the S'more. 

Avery and Natalie are in the same first grade class.  I am so happy that a few of her classmates are also in her troop.  It made our first meeting less stressful for Av.

We got a really cute s'more's patch for her smock and I am hoping to one day have sewed them all on :)

We also took a trip to the Arboretum.  We did a pumpkin search and learned about plants and flowers.  We also took the kids through the Maze which was a ton of fun. 

So far our girl scout experience has been wonderful.  The girls do this amazing thing at the end of each meeting where they criss cross their hands and hold each other's and then one of the troop leaders starts a squeeze and once it has made it around the circle everyone spins around by lifting their arms up over their heads.  It is so cute to watch. 

Were you in Girl Scouts?  What are your memories and do you have any experiences that you could tell me about?

Marriage...

My sister posted this on her Facebook wall this evening and it left me in tears.  I feel like it is something I have to share with everyone out there who may come across this blog. 


Marriage.

“When I got home that night as ...my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

By: Parwan Banu

Road trip!

Last week we got one of those "dreaded" phone calls.  Chadd's Uncle Phil called to tell us that Grandpa Smith had passed away.  Although he was sick for quite a while, it did seem quite sudden and out of nowhere to us.  I wonder if this is always the case when an ill relative lives so far away? 

Chadd was out of town at a business conference in San Francisco and had been since the previous Saturday.  Our phone call came on Monday afternoon.  I called Chadd to tell him the sad news and we began making plans on how we were going to get to Oklahoma in a jiffy without going broke in the process.  I'm not sure if any of you have checked the cost of flights these days, but with 5 people traveling, an airplane was out of the question.  Yowzers!!!

I spoke with my wonderful mother in law who was up for accommodating the kids and me as our half way point between here and Oklahoma City.  Chadd was able to get a flight from San Fran to Oklahoma City on Thursday and like magic, the universe aligned and the viewing and funeral were on Thursday and Friday respectively.  I am not sure how I would have swung it if the funeral had been the next day or even the following day but something tells me there were multiple forces directing the timing of everything.

I am sure most of you are thinking, "Driving 12 hours in a car alone with three children?  Are you nuts?"  Yes, yes I am and the best part is that I LOVE road trips.  With my kids, without my kids, I LOVE them.  I am not quite sure what it is, but any opportunity to go on a road trip and I am all over it.  Perhaps it is escaping the monotony of daily life and getting to explore new places?  Or it could be the carefree feeling of not having anything else to do at the moment except to drive.  In any event, I love it. 

I packed up the van and got the activity bags loaded up with all sorts of activities like Brain Quest, coloring books, leapsters, flash cards, LEFT, RIGHT, CENTER and of course Avery's homework for the week.  I brought along scooters and Rollerblades so that once we arrived in Kansas City(halfway point)the kids could play on them at Grandma's house.  I even brought along my computer in an effort to let the kids watch movies since we do not have a video player in our van.

Our drive was great and we arrived in time for dinner at Grandma's house.  My in laws live in a very nice neighborhood that has continued to be built up over the years.  Multiple families with young children have moved in and now my kids actually have play mates in KC at Grandma's house.  Avery had a blast with her new friends as well as Bennett and Bria.  Grandma even bought razor scooters for them to play with at her house so next time I won't have to haul ours with.

It just so happened that my mother in laws brother and sister in law needed a sub for their volleyball game on the night that I had got into town.  I was able to play Volleyball with them and see some of Chadd's cousins as well.  I had a blast playing with them and being able to catch up and see one of the cousins who is pregnant for the first time.  Someone posted on my facebook status that travelling stinks and road trips are even worse when it is for something like a funeral, but I disagree.  I knew that no matter the reason behind this adventure, we would have a great time being in great company.

We left by 8:30 the next morning to make our way to Oklahoma.  The trip was pretty uneventful minus the part where my phone GPS decided to crap out on me as I entered the city and had no idea which direction to go.  I quickly realized that even though my phone couldn't connect to bing maps, I still had step by step directions...phew! 

We arrived at the hotel, unpacked and let the kids go swimming to burn off some energy.  I am so thankful that we found a place with a pool.  The kids needed it(and so did I).  Much to my dismay, the kids all had some sort of funky reaction to the chlorine in the pool.  Bennett and Bria much more so than Avery(perhaps the benadryl from Grandma's house helped)?  After what seemed like forever trying to help clear their eyes, we were ready to head to the viewing and see Chadd's Uncle Phil and Aunt Shelly.

We went out to this fantastic Mexican Restaurant in Oklahoma City to celebrate being together.  Avery caught wind that it was recently Shelly's birthday so she talked to the waitress and had the staff come and sing Happy Birthday to Shelly complete with a sombrero and all.  It was fun and Shelly really enjoyed Avery's "surprise."

Friday morning, we got up and ate a wonderful breakfast at the hotel.  We were shocked that the continental breakfast came complete with waffles, biscuits and gravy, oatmeal, gogurts, eggs, bacon,, sausage and a whole bunch of other things...included in our $70/night charge.  Things sure are cheaper in the south!  The kids swam a little bit and we all got ready for the funeral.

The service was lovely and Uncle Phil gave a eulogy that was incredible.  He is a very gifted speaker.  I learned a lot of things about Grandpa Smith that day and I am grateful that I was able to be there to hear how he enriched other peoples' lives with his kindness, generosity and musical talents.  We had a gathering at Phil and Shelly's afterwards and it was nice to be able to visit with all of Chadd's cousins whom we rarely ever see.  Chadd and his cousin Corey were talking about a time years ago when they buried a time capsule out on the farm.  They were so interested in remembering the details surrounding the contents, the burial, the un-burial and re-burial of this thing that Corey actually drove to the farm to try and dig it up.  We never heard whether or not he found it but it is no surprise to me that such memories were brought up.  I come from a very large extended family and I have grown up attending A LOT of funerals.  What I know is that some of my best memories, however morose it may be, are of hanging out with all of my cousins that I would otherwise never see.  Funerals have a way of bringing people together, as they should to remember the loved one we have lost and to make new memories for those of us who remain.

We said our goodbye's and drove to Guthrie where Chadd's other grandparents live out on a farm miles and miles down this roller coaster road.  Something that just baffles me is all of the red dirt in Oklahoma.  It is everywhere.  Last year, I ran on one of the dirt roads and completely turned my white shoes pink from the sand.  Since I got new running shoes recently, I knew there would be no running for me out on the farm.

Chadd's three aunts and grandparents all live on the same land out at the farm.  When we travel to Oklahoma to visit, we usually stay with Chadd's Aunt Jackie and Uncle Phil.  They have this darling house with the perfect guest room and they are the most gracious hosts.  We always have a great time staying with them.  We made it just in time for dinner and were surprised with a bunch of family members who we did not know were coming.  It was wonderful to be able to visit with everyone.

Chadd's youngest cousin, Justin lives on the farm and our kids absolutely love him.  Each time we are there he shows the kids something new and interesting.  Last trip he showed the kids on the four wheeler.  This trip, he showed us the three wheeler, a scorpion and he almost caught a lizard for us.  We went exploring on the farm being careful to keep an eye out for tarantulas and scorpions(scary but true). 

With all of the old rusty tractors, trailers and buildings on the farm I was able to get a few really great shots of the kids.  I only wish that I had an editing program to spruce them up a bit....a girl can dream :)

We left on Saturday to head back to Kansas City.  Avery couldn't wait to see her new friends as well as the twins.  We made it back and had another lovely evening with Grandma Fowble. 

The trip home on Sunday was....long.  It is always more fun to be driving away from reality instead of back to it.  We had a great time in spite of the circumstances and I am so thankful that everything worked out so well.  I am already looking forward to our next road trip back to KC for Thanksgiving.  The kids are just as excited as I am. 

Here are a few more pictures of our trip.

 There are numerous dogs running around the farm and my twins just love them.  Bria was always hanging out with one of these little buddies.

 Benny on the big tractor

 The girls walking down the path that leads to never never land full of wild boar(seriously).

 Justin and the three wheeler

 These huge grasshoppers were everywhere and Bennett had this amazing ability to catch them mid-air.  He spent most of the day running around concerned that his "pet" was flying away!

 Vroom!

 Chadd and Av

 Aunt Jackie, Grandpa Fowble, Grandma Fowble and Aunt Judy(in orange).

 Grandpa Fowble and Av

The lizard that eluded us for the entire day after I spotted him on this tire.

he is so special

 My little nephew Connor turned 1 year old last week and we had a blast celebrating this very special milestone.  He is my little buddy and I love him ever so much.  Look at those gorgeous blue eyes!  He had everyone laughing and gushing over him all day long.  He rocked out at his party and loved all of the kids and family that were there to celebrate with him.

 My sister had the house decorated with a rock star skull & bones theme and it was so cute.  His little smash cake had a skull on it with blue and black icing.  It got a little dicey when he tried to smear it on the grandma's faces!

 And his own :)

His  daddy bought him this gigantic blue balloon which was a hit with all of the kids at the party.  He tried to attack it numerous times and it was pretty funny.

Happy Birthday to my very special and only little nephew!  We love you so much and are delighted to be able to watch you grow and grow!